Life is a voyage that is homeward bound

Living away from one's country of birth can be the fulfilment of a childhood dream, the end of a quest for a better life, a compulsion, and sometimes a decisions that you spend your life trying to reverse. For me it has meant many things...it was definitely not the realization of any dream. While growing up I never harboured the secret desire to 'go west'. It started off as being just a transition into a post married life. I did not like the experience of living in cold places, being away from friends and family, without a job, of not having the comfort of familiar sights and smells. Not then...and not now though its been six years. Fortunately, I have not been in a situation where i've had to dig my heels deep into a place. Through the last six years, on many occasions I have travelled back to India and lived there. Such transitions put you in a 'constant comparison mode' - while you are in one place you are longing for life in another and vice-versa. But these moments of transition also give you a chance to reflect on what is it that really matters to you, what do you value, how do you want to live your life and more importantly where?

There are pros and cons to every decision. I have often heard people say - that outside india - the systems work & the air is clean and there is no filth on the streets and no potholes on the road and the standard of living is higher and there is respect for personal time and space and people don't cheat you and everybody is so literate and polite and courteous and its ok to see on celluloid - shahrukh khan go to the village & try to create electricity but ground realities in india are different!

My point is - yes - if you buy what you just told me and are happy living like that, if you chose to lead a systematic and ordered life and a materially comfortable life, please go ahead and live it. My choice is different. I chose the chaos, the colour, the noise, the warmth, the feeling of belonging, the rootedness, the comfort of familiarity, the pollution, the potholes, corruption, inefficiencies, faith, the sound of my language, sunshine, crowds, sweat, curious inquisitive people and everything that comes along with a life in India. I feel an inexplicable sense of peace and calm when i am there.The reassuring feeling that one experiences after returning home from a luxurious holiday. The home that may be a far cry from the comforts of the hotel you stayed in - but warts and all -it still is your home! I know so many people who have lived abroad for so so long that leaving everything behind and returning is a next to impossible situation - because of a feeling that their kids may not be able to live in india, they may not find work that suits their credentials, they may not be able to adapt themselves to the work culture of this country - but still yearn for life back home as it were. My point is know what you want and make that choice! Don't spend a lifetime yearning for one thing, doing the other and regretting your decisions when you look back. And for god sake don't travel on a road so far, so fast that you forget your way back home.

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I had this conversation with my mom (whose family had to leave their home town during partition & moving to another country was not a decision - but an unfortunate play of fate) a few days back who asked me

Mom: mujhe to samaj nahin aata ki basa basaya ghar, basi basayee zingadi ko ujaadkar log kahin aur jaakar kyon rehna chatein hain?
I dont know why people would want to uproot themselves from where they have been living and go and try and settle down somewhere else.

Me: (not very interested in the conversation) Paisa...mom...money!

Mom:Kitna paisa...kya karoge paise ka...humne to jitna mila otne mein zindagi guzar li...aur achhi hi guzari
How much money...what will you do with it...in our time, we learn to make do with what we had...and i think we led a good life

Some days back i was listening to the song from the movie naam (chithi aai hai)- that describes a father's plea to his son who goes abroad to earn money & before he knows it gets sucked into the situation so badly that is unable to get out ...and these lines stuck in my head...

Tune paisa bohot kamaya, is paise nein des chudaya...Aaja umar bohot hai choti...apne ghar mein bhi hai roti...

You have earned a lot, tis the money that made you leave your homeland. Come back - life is too short...we have enough at home to afford our meals.

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As I sit today and reflect on my choices, my conversation with my mom and the song i heard some days back...and though I think i can still trace my way back home, just in case i falter these thoughts will act as a beacon of light that will help me find my way on my road ahead. And I hope you find your way back home, too !

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