Life is a voyage that is homeward bound

Living away from one's country of birth can be the fulfilment of a childhood dream, the end of a quest for a better life, a compulsion, and sometimes a decisions that you spend your life trying to reverse. For me it has meant many things...it was definitely not the realization of any dream. While growing up I never harboured the secret desire to 'go west'. It started off as being just a transition into a post married life. I did not like the experience of living in cold places, being away from friends and family, without a job, of not having the comfort of familiar sights and smells. Not then...and not now though its been six years. Fortunately, I have not been in a situation where i've had to dig my heels deep into a place. Through the last six years, on many occasions I have travelled back to India and lived there. Such transitions put you in a 'constant comparison mode' - while you are in one place you are longing for life in another and vice-versa. But these moments of transition also give you a chance to reflect on what is it that really matters to you, what do you value, how do you want to live your life and more importantly where?

There are pros and cons to every decision. I have often heard people say - that outside india - the systems work & the air is clean and there is no filth on the streets and no potholes on the road and the standard of living is higher and there is respect for personal time and space and people don't cheat you and everybody is so literate and polite and courteous and its ok to see on celluloid - shahrukh khan go to the village & try to create electricity but ground realities in india are different!

My point is - yes - if you buy what you just told me and are happy living like that, if you chose to lead a systematic and ordered life and a materially comfortable life, please go ahead and live it. My choice is different. I chose the chaos, the colour, the noise, the warmth, the feeling of belonging, the rootedness, the comfort of familiarity, the pollution, the potholes, corruption, inefficiencies, faith, the sound of my language, sunshine, crowds, sweat, curious inquisitive people and everything that comes along with a life in India. I feel an inexplicable sense of peace and calm when i am there.The reassuring feeling that one experiences after returning home from a luxurious holiday. The home that may be a far cry from the comforts of the hotel you stayed in - but warts and all -it still is your home! I know so many people who have lived abroad for so so long that leaving everything behind and returning is a next to impossible situation - because of a feeling that their kids may not be able to live in india, they may not find work that suits their credentials, they may not be able to adapt themselves to the work culture of this country - but still yearn for life back home as it were. My point is know what you want and make that choice! Don't spend a lifetime yearning for one thing, doing the other and regretting your decisions when you look back. And for god sake don't travel on a road so far, so fast that you forget your way back home.

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I had this conversation with my mom (whose family had to leave their home town during partition & moving to another country was not a decision - but an unfortunate play of fate) a few days back who asked me

Mom: mujhe to samaj nahin aata ki basa basaya ghar, basi basayee zingadi ko ujaadkar log kahin aur jaakar kyon rehna chatein hain?
I dont know why people would want to uproot themselves from where they have been living and go and try and settle down somewhere else.

Me: (not very interested in the conversation) Paisa...mom...money!

Mom:Kitna paisa...kya karoge paise ka...humne to jitna mila otne mein zindagi guzar li...aur achhi hi guzari
How much money...what will you do with it...in our time, we learn to make do with what we had...and i think we led a good life

Some days back i was listening to the song from the movie naam (chithi aai hai)- that describes a father's plea to his son who goes abroad to earn money & before he knows it gets sucked into the situation so badly that is unable to get out ...and these lines stuck in my head...

Tune paisa bohot kamaya, is paise nein des chudaya...Aaja umar bohot hai choti...apne ghar mein bhi hai roti...

You have earned a lot, tis the money that made you leave your homeland. Come back - life is too short...we have enough at home to afford our meals.

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As I sit today and reflect on my choices, my conversation with my mom and the song i heard some days back...and though I think i can still trace my way back home, just in case i falter these thoughts will act as a beacon of light that will help me find my way on my road ahead. And I hope you find your way back home, too !

Home,india,living away from home,

Just another day....

It started off being just another day...I checked my mail with my morning cup of coffee perched next to the mouse on my workdesk. There was a time not so long ago when mornings did not begin with checking email....and I cant help but wonder how things and life change so drastically in such a short span of time. But thats a different thread best left to a different time.

So, the morning moved in a 'normal' way....reading, surfing, work, chat and breakfast all intespresed by the occassional click on the mailbox. Even while i was going through the motions I wondered why the frequency with which mails were coming in was thinner than most days. I chatted briefly with a few friends online and started to type a mail to a friend when it struck me close to 12 noon that it is a holiday in India.

I could not get over the fact that I have been away from the country about 10 days and I have forgotten...I immediately messaged to a friend online....

Me: are you at work today???
i am shocked
isnt it independance day

Friend: yes mam..independence day for the country and not for citizen..

Me: i dont believe it
you are working on independance day

Friend: well..something need to be believed..
well..i came in to office at 3 pm...the rest came in the morning..
some pstns need to go this week ..so we are putting in xtra efforts...

We chatted for a while ranting about the weather in london and the work life in bangalore and how somethings never change and how appalled i was at myself for having no awareness of the fact that today in an important day in india...and then it struck me....and i felt like a bigger fool

Me: btw - it is republic day today....and we both chatted about it for a min or two without batting an eyelid...what have we come to....we cannot distinguish between independence day and repulic day

Friend:actually i did not pay attention to the word you typed in

Me: but you said independence for the country not for the country men

Friend: yah ..classic absentmindedness

Anyway....as i write this, i think its not only 'just another day' for the indian diaspora but also for most people in India. Barring the coverage of the repulic day parade on the national news that now even our parents dont watch, the new breed of patriotic movies bordering commercial flicks (read: dil se, sawdes) that make for good post lunch entertainment, beggar children on the road selling the tricolor and sweetshops and departmental stores creating special sweets and window displays to celeberate the spirit of freedom...life goes on as usual...for the most who are lucky not to work even on a national holiday...it is a 'holiday'...to catch up on sleep and the laundry...

When I was growing up, republic day was one of the many big and exciting days we looked forward to. I have fond memories of those times when on such days people from the neighbourhood gathered early morning (yes people would wake up early in the morning on a holiday) to hoist the flag, while sports events were organized for children. The evening saw various performance by a few sporting elders and children who had been preparing for many days leading up to the event. There was a sense of community and a feeling of belonging one felt on such days. Belonging to a neighbourhood...a society...a nation.

Today....it is just another day!

Dead in the history books…Still Alive in our minds!

My first exposure to the 'The Caste System' as it prevailed in India was a chapter in the school history book, where I read about how it had been abolished by the endeavor of great men... Mahatama Gandhi and Baba Saheb Ambedkar amongst others. I grew up believing (rather was made to believe) that this evil was a thing of the past...that we as a society have evolved far too much for this system to permeate our daily life today.

I graduated from school to college and discovered what I learnt (at least as far as casteism in India was concerned) had been an illusion...a myth created by opinion leaders who'd much rather have the young generation see the world with rose tinted glasses and feel good about it rather than have reality stare them in the face. In a course in sociology at college, where the faculty did not believe in towing the line, the curriculum involved discussing life...real life...issues that people...in India were faced with....not the India you and I know...with its comfortable life in high rise apartments. We found ourselves talking about people living in the not so comfortable, not so urban India...dealing with casteism everyday...children not allowed to pursue an education...or even if they were fortunate enough to enter the precincts of a school, made to sit a few yards away from the children belonging to upper castes families....people not allowed to enter temples...or draw water from a well (to start with we would not think of depending on a well as a source of water but that’s a different issue altogether)....women burnt or slayed by their brother / father...her only crime...she married the person of her choice who happened to be a lower caste man...the brother – a murderer glorified by the village elders since he did what was termed by the media as 'honor killing'....killing somebody to protect the honor of the community. Moving out of college and moving on to work life...put these issues on the back burner in my mind. Not that these issues died a sudden death...I just found myself disconnected from these topics of discussions...work life brought with it new issues to think about.

My work took me to many towns ...big and small...in India...I could not help wonder how these towns have lost their character...with the advent of urbanization....it surprised me to see a UCB(United Colors of Benetton) in Ranchi...to see a signboard that said...opening shortly...SUBWAY....to hear that Indore (one can circumambulate the whole town in ten minutes) boasts of not 1 but 3 Coffee Day outlets. I had heard of the expression 'Any Town USA'...I was beginning to think the same about India...Any town I visited looked the same...the same shops, the same brands flashing as neon lights...I was (only) beginning to think that these billboards that symbolized the advent of MNCs were stretching the boundaries of what we call modern India...urban India - when I was reminded that what I saw was just a facade...beneath which ground reality had not changed much.

On one such trip to Lucknow I was talking to children...7 year olds...to find out whether they liked a new packaging for a kiddy product. I asked them to draw what they remembered of the packaging and once they had finished drawing....they could write their name against it...As soon as I finished what I had to say...one of the girls asked me...didi....naam likh diya....caste bhi likhna hai (I have written my name...do I need to write my caste too)...I chocked when I heard that...partly sad to see an innocent 7 year old ask me that question....partly angry at an educational / social system that perpetuates this evil!

Categories: Wandering Around_ , Reflections_