(If) Death comes to everyone one by one; why doesn’t life?

Last week...I lost a classmate ...not someone who i could say i was close to... nevertheless someone i knew. The suddenness with which this happened was quite shocking....made me think a lot. Am putting down my thoughts here.

He was so young…about to get married

There was so much that he should have done and experienced
He did not deserve to die so early

Early…what is early?
Would it have been better had he died at 50 instead
Is there an age when one can say that one has lived enough?
Is there an age at which people die and
those around them do not miss them or cry?

He had two young children
He had so much to give to them
So much to give to life…

What is life?
A string of events…. experiences…memories
Who decides what the length of that string is?
How many experiences have been apportioned to him?
Would it have mattered had he experienced 20 more incidents?
Would that have been enough…
Would one then make peace with his parting with life?

It was so unexpected…
Would it have been better had death announced its arrival?
Would you have been better prepared?
How does one prepare for the death of somebody dear?

Death is always momentous…it does not go unnoticed
When people die…there is a sense of regret
As long as they are alive….is there a feeling of elation…or even awareness
Why do people wait till the end of life to feel its absence?

If LIFE a feeling of being alive…
What is that feeling…can it be described…where does one feel it?
We live everyday…but how many times do we feel alive in a day…
Do we feel it even once?

If death is perceptible….why isn’t life?
(If) Death comes to every one – one by one; why doesn’t life?

The last line is the translation of a poem by Gulzar that appears in the book ‘Silences’

Categories: Reflections_ , Poems_

You’ve got junk!

I seldom read forwards in my mail box. My usual response is… ‘move to trash’…but every once in a way, my curiosity gets the better of me and I open forwarded mail only to see mindless junk (well most of the time). Today was one such curious day and I got this…..

When I Asked God for Strength
He Gave Me Difficult Situations to Face

When I Asked God for Brain & Brown
He Gave Me Puzzles in Life to Solve

When I Asked God for Happiness
He Showed Me Some Unhappy People

When I Asked God for Wealth
He Showed Me How to Work Hard

When I Asked God for Favors
He Showed Me Opportunities to Work Hard

When I Asked God for Peace
He Showed Me How to Help Others

God Gave Me Nothing I Wanted
He Gave Me Everything I Needed

Thankfully it did not end with…send this to 10 people…blah. But I still had an objection with the way it ended. There was something seriously wrong with this prayer....or at least the person who wrote it…I don't NEED difficult situations, Puzzles to solve...maybe I want but I still don’t need them (and what is 'brain and brown' anyway)....Unhappy people no no...Hard work / opportunities to work hard – besides the fact that its making the same point twice - it still is a no no.

What is this supposed to be – the title should have read ‘prayer by a masochist’ instead of ‘nice thoughts!!!’

I seriously…seriously wonder who is creating this…and for what. Either they are trashy or worse still some are ‘made to look witty’ which people can see through…. obviously…I mean who are you trying to kid? People dying of cancer or strange diseases that strike people only in the US. Commonsensically forwarded mail would be the last thing on anyone’s mind who’d know someone suffering from a fatal illness. Yet we forward such messages…under the hope…what if there is even a remote possibility of this mail thinggie working…I may be able to save a life. Ya sure!

Then there are these so called ‘marvels of nature’…pictures of stones & mountains & ocean beds & fields that one day someone serendipitously found out….ah…that strangely thing resembles the face of someone famous in history or maybe it’s a map of a lost continent…the mythical bridge connecting India to Lanka.

Witty announcements at airports that nobody has heard....and here is something else…

The human race is doomed through stupidity; here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)

Yeah the human race is stupid….for actually hoping that people would believe the garbage that they forwarded.

What are they getting out of it….pray tell me…WHY are people sitting and concocting all this...just to forward it to a 100 others...why??? WHO has so much spare time and energy? Oh don’t tell me people are getting paid to do this stuff. That will sadden me even more!

Bas Yoon Hi

A background

An attempt to capture the pain of separation…to understand the absurdity of human emotions…of love.

Some experiences can be so numbing that you just stop asking yourself WHY

Sometimes all it takes is ONE MOMENT…to changes the course of life forever and beyond recognition that you almost feel like it’s not your life anymore that you are living. Bas Yoon Hi is an attempt to capture that feeling.

Bas Yoon Hi…

Tumhare saath chalte chalte kab mod aaya aur kab tum mudh gaye, pata hi nahin chala.

Raaste mein mod pehle bhi aaye the par is baar bas yoon hi tume apna raasta alagh chun liya. Bas yoon hi?

Bas yoon hi… ek hi pal mein zingadi mein sannate chaane lage
Bas yoon hi… hum apne aap ko akela paane lage
Bas yoon hi…baithe baithe palkon se aasoon aane lage
Bas yoon hi?

Tumhare saath guzara hua kal .aaj kisi aur ka ho gayaa
Rote Rote kab hume neend aagayee…kab dil so gaya?
Neend se kab jaage?…jab jaage tab tum paas the
Phir ek chutki mein gom ho gaye…sirf tumhare ehsaas the

Bas inhi bhujti khulti palkon mein … watq to kat jata
Par aaine mein jab dekhte to hume apna hi chehra anjaan nazar aata

Tumhara khayaal jab aata to ek ghutan si mehsoos hoti
Na is ghotan ko hum bahar le aa pate…na andar rakh paate.

Ab is ghutan ko saath le kar ghoomtein rahetein hai
Sooni rahaon mein guzare hue pal doondhtein rahetein hai.

Inhi rahon mein chalte chalte phir ek baar tumhare roo baroo aagaye
Yakeen nahin aaya ki woh tumhi the
Kya woh tumhi the…jisne hume dekh ke
Phir ek baar aakhein choora li…phir ek baar moodh gaye?
Haan woh tumhi ho jo beech raaste mein hume akela chod gaye
Hume apne zingadi ka modh dhoondhene ke liye…

Categories: Poems_

Here comes the DIVA

I have a new neighbor…at work! The other day she strutted in and a few steps behind her was the office boy who displayed a fine act of balance…potted plant in one hand, a rather queer looking lampshade in the other, clutching onto a pink shopping bag – those handmade paper varieties that one would find only at very expensive stores. Who was she and what was she doing here? Boss had mentioned that somebody new would be joining us soon…but this kind of a scenario was certainly not what one would associate with a new employee…or any employee!

I remember my first day at work…when I had almost fought with hubby dear to reach office on time (to create the right impression or rather to not create a wrong one – only to sit at the reception and read whatever I could find in English – 3 newspapers, 5 take away menus, some random things hung on the wall announcing how good the company had performed and how important the spirit of teamwork is, a calendar that had thoughts for each month of which had turned the pages over to take a sneak preview at what would keep me inspired for the next quarter)

Well that was me…but Ms chiffon saaree here had summoned a bunch of elves to 'set up' her place…Can somebody please connect this lamp… and pin this (happened to be a placard that said OM)...she even had a footstool to rest her legs!

In conversation with friends I have realized that she is not a lone ranger. Her tribe is growing . Most of my friends complain about how they had been victimized by her presence. By her's i mean, that of her clan. The clan of ATDs (Attitude Throwing Divas). There is them and then there is the rest of us FOSUDs (Full of Substance UnderDogs). And corporate life is all about the on going battle between the two, while the ATDs are playing the game for power, FOSUDs to keep up their dignity and pride.

You can make out an ATD when you see one. She'd (I dont know yet whether there is a male equivalent) be the one who always looks very well put together..hair in place...lipstick intact...no creases on clothes...and especially so at the end of the day. A cigarette would not be comepletely out of place in her manicured hands.

Poor FOSUD on the other hand would, despite all attempts to not look haggard, in the first hour at work ends up looking like a cross between a harrased housewife and a street urchin.

This is as much true about her as it is about her workdesk. The ATDs desk looks like a miniature museum that she can narrate annecdotes about when boss leans by her shoulder raptured by the Channel Pink that she would have paid a fortune for... a rare species of bonsai, photos of her holiday in bali...and ofcourse her coffee mug with the london tube map on it.

On the FOSUD desk...if you manage to look behind the clutter of work files and books...you find pens that dont work in a coffee mug that has a broken handle (given by the office boy who took pity on her state of affairs)...in there you'd also find a stappler that has perhaps run out of pins...a glimpse at the softboard and you'd see takeaway menus ofcourse...her only saving grace when she sits back late in the office...pictures of family in khandala by the dam (at best) and a couple of inspiring quotes...never say die...be the change that you want to see around yourself and some such stuff.

At a meeting with the big boss or a client, you'd find the FOSUD making feeble attempts to make a point...which ofcourse will not be heard by anyone except her....it is uncanny how after a couple of mins...someone else will say the very same thing that FOSUD has been mumbling all along. But FOSUD is a lady with the never say die attitude...and on hearing the echo of her own thoughts in some corner of the room...makes yet another attempt to be heard...ya i was just thinking of that...infact i want to add to what he said....by which time the discussion moves to some other topic.

Meetings are an ATDs playground...she is completely at ease in the midst of people...and when ATD speaks...people (do not listen)...they just stare at her in amazement....which often ends in serious nods by some...to more vocal applauds by others confirming her as part of their club. Ofcourse if one were to only listen to what she said...one would not be nodding in approval but utter confusion...since her sentences are usually long winding, full of superfluous words that often have a lot of 'R's & 'A's in them allowing her to bring out the best of her unidentifiable accent.

Substance does not count as much in corporate life as attitude does. Its ironical and I have often found myself asking why? I have spoken and discussed and hypothesized ad nauseum but have not found any rational reason why people with 'just' attitude and nothing else go places while people who have a solid thought process backing them but lack the chutzpah struggle twice as hard. In my quest to understand this irony of life, a friend threw some light and what she said made some sense though not all. People who dont throw attitude around, are somewhere under valuing themselves and when YOU, yourself do not give you the worth you deserve...then why will somebody else. The other reason being...in evaluating choices and arriving at decisions...who said human beings are led by rational faculties anyway?

Categories: Humor_

All the worlds a stage...

Over the last couple of weeks, I have repeatedly found asking myself one question…whether the online medium does justice to qual research. Both, my thoughts about this and the idea of doing online qual research itself are too nascent to arrive at anything conclusive yet, though my brush with it so far has left me with a few residual thoughts.

I am beginning to realize that good qual research is like theatre. Much like the script of a playwright, the vision of a research comes to life at the moment of interaction between the researcher and a consumer. The script is only the starting point for a performance…it is not to be confused with ‘the performance’! And the performance is not just a mere summation of the elements. It is that and a little more. This little more comes as a result of a dynamic process of (non-verbal) interaction between an actor and his audiences. The audience is as much a part of the creation of this magic.

Theatre requires an audience. For all of the arts public is essential. The physical presence of an audience can change a performance, inspire actors, and create expectations. Theatre is a living breathing art form. The presence of live actors on the stage in front of live audiences sets it apart from modern day films and television.

Elements of Theatre

Good qual research exudes this dynamism…this magic, a kick that researchers usually feel at the end of an insightful consumer interaction. It’s a feeling in the gut…that one has got it right…made some headway. That feeling is subtle, perhaps not a conscious one. Once cannot pin-point the exact point in the course of interaction where the researcher starts connecting with the consumer and goes beyond the surface. But the feeling is there nevertheless. To approach qual research as a ‘boxed product’ (a set of open-ends that would give you ‘feel data’…which will answer some of the how’s and the why’s for the marketer) to be executed in a standardized way is missing out on the magic.

Which brings me back to my question…does real qual research have to be a live interaction? I think so. The difference between online and face to face is the difference between seeing reality that has happened a couple of minutes or couple of hours ago and experiencing reality as it happens…in a myriad ways.

It’s the difference between a live theatre performance and wrapping the emotions of that performance on a 35 mm reel.

In a live performance the audience is entranced -- their disbelief suspended. This requires the audience to further utilize their imagination and their creative abilities. The reactions to the work can have an even greater impact. There is an energy that flows both ways.

Some actors cannot or will not do stage plays due to the subjective emotional and physical intensity of this form of stagecraft.

The audience experiences a "Human-to-Human" event, an intimacy that is created only with this medium. Finally, when you see live theatre you will experience something that is unique . . . an interpretation or even a once-only performance that results in a brilliant act of serendipity that may never be seen again!

What makes the 'Live Theatre' experience unique

In my experience of doing qual research, I have found many parallels to the description of a theatre performance given here ….the uniqueness, the energy, the intensity, the experience of intense involvement at the exclusion thoughts like where you are, who you are talking to & the oddities in the environment, the play of emotion….can all be very draining but all the same very addictive!

Categories: Qualitative Research_

Hi I’m Happy…And You?

Last evening a friend and I kept sending each other SMS messages back and forth, cribbing about how things are (and I must admit I was doing more of the cribbing). This flurry of beeps on my phone stopped when I saw this very simple but powerful message from her. It was almost like I did not have any reason to say Ya but…you know…since there was no way I could have argued what she said to me and without making more of a song about it...I’ll quote her...

"Ok. Take Care. This Situation is not going to stay so for long.
My resolution is to be happy all the time. Not matter what!"

And it’s the last line that stole my heart and quite frankly made me SHUT UP. Since this was not coming from a person for whom the going had been great and was just pep talking me out of my bad mood. This came from a person for whom life has been really really tough in the last one year.

And I thought to myself – How difficult can this be? Well I wont kid myself and you and tell you that it’s a very easy principle to apply but I have decided to do one thing for sure and that is, each time in the future I find myself in a mucky…unpleasant situation… I will remind myself of this thought and do something to make myself happy. And not always will it work…but for as many times as it does…I’ll be a happy soul :)

I have tried putting this into practice since yesterday and believe me, based on the little experience I’ve had - if nothing else you’ll end up a more creative person thinking up ways to make yourself happy.

Prologue….or Monologue!

Not once…but most times I have interviewed consumers for Market Research…I have had to mindlessly explain to a bunch of bored looking housewives why I am sitting there with a camera pointing to them.

(Only recently I discovered that it was mandated by the Market Search Society of India to set a preamble to the discussion).

There are few occasions however, as I have gone through the motions of my boring speech…something in me has jumped out (well...almost) pestering to grab my attention and despite my incessant efforts at trying to banish this rebellious thought…has persisted enough to almost form a paralleled mental process.

Here is some anecdotal evidence in support of what I am saying…Enjoy!

Hi…My name is Reshma and before we start the discussion let me give
you a brief introduction

(Oh crap! Here we go again…)

The company I work for, we don't make or sell anything… we just meet people like you and take your opinion on the products that you use and your opinion is very
crucial to the companies who make these products. Once such company
has sent me here today

(and today being the key word…since last morning I found out that I if I don’t come here TODAY something earth shattering would happen)

and this company is into making

(well…what should I say about them…they make LIFE SAVING DRUGS and they have put it into research TODAY…since they have ONLY until tomorrow find out about the results and so they have sent me here to talk to all of YOU about)

… JAM !!!

To this some one from the groups asks…Madam Jam…wohi khane wala?

I put on my warmest smile since it is just the start of the discussion and don’t want to piss them off…Haanji wohi …aap ne kaise guess kar liya?

(You are sooooo intelligent…Yes it is JAM…that hideous looking pink blob...)

***********************************************************************

Then there are times when I’ve been at the same place so often that I’ve seen the same faces in the audience for researches that I have done on tea…jam…biscuits…you name it …and they use it!

‘Repeat Respondents’ as they are known in the industry or ‘professional respondents’ like they fancy calling themselves can fit into 2 categories….actually 3.

The soft spoken ‘mama types’ the ones who nod their head as you give your opening speech for the (n+1)th time…even though they have heard it only two days ago…they have such a concerned look on their face…almost to say…haan beta mujhe pata hai tum par kya guzar rahi hai ! They are by and large 'nice'. They behave themselves at the discussion, even try to answer intelligently...make my job easy...I don't have anything against them.

The other category is the ‘marketing savvy….I know all the jargon’ babe. These can be real pests and talking to them can be a real test of anyones patience

Your opinions are very important to us…there is no right or wrong when it comes to an opinion…so feel free to express what you say

Haanji yeh sab hume pata hai…ab group discussion shuru karein

Haan jaroor…abhi 5 minute mein shuru kartein hai…par uske pehle mujhe aap logo ko kuch dikhana hai

Haan dikhaye…jo CONCEPT BOARD…dikhana hai

Come...sit here...take my place...is what I feel like telling them...and I'll happily take yours!

The third slot is reserved for the real duhs! They’ll be the ones who as soon as you enter the room would say….

Aare Madam Aap…aaj itne dino baad dikhayee diye…

(While trying my best to not recognize her…and trying to drop big hints her way by nodding my head to say yes and no all at once I say) Achha…Main…Nahin…Shayad Koi Aur Hoga (But Duh is what Duh does…so Duh does not get the hint...since she is looking into the camera and waving & smiling...as though it were a live telecast)

Aare…Kaise nahin yaad hai aapko…abhi 2 hi to hafte hue hain…kailash cllony mein to hua tha group…wohi kissan wala!

(SSShhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…dumb woman…your live telecast is my client sitting in the backroom!)

***********************************************************************

Though I’ve fretted and fumed when these incidents have happened…in hindsight many a time they’ve saved the day and given me some interesting stories to narrate when I am back from the travel.

Categories: Qualitative Research_ , Humor_

Dead in the history books…Still Alive in our minds!

My first exposure to the 'The Caste System' as it prevailed in India was a chapter in the school history book, where I read about how it had been abolished by the endeavor of great men... Mahatama Gandhi and Baba Saheb Ambedkar amongst others. I grew up believing (rather was made to believe) that this evil was a thing of the past...that we as a society have evolved far too much for this system to permeate our daily life today.

I graduated from school to college and discovered what I learnt (at least as far as casteism in India was concerned) had been an illusion...a myth created by opinion leaders who'd much rather have the young generation see the world with rose tinted glasses and feel good about it rather than have reality stare them in the face. In a course in sociology at college, where the faculty did not believe in towing the line, the curriculum involved discussing life...real life...issues that people...in India were faced with....not the India you and I know...with its comfortable life in high rise apartments. We found ourselves talking about people living in the not so comfortable, not so urban India...dealing with casteism everyday...children not allowed to pursue an education...or even if they were fortunate enough to enter the precincts of a school, made to sit a few yards away from the children belonging to upper castes families....people not allowed to enter temples...or draw water from a well (to start with we would not think of depending on a well as a source of water but that’s a different issue altogether)....women burnt or slayed by their brother / father...her only crime...she married the person of her choice who happened to be a lower caste man...the brother – a murderer glorified by the village elders since he did what was termed by the media as 'honor killing'....killing somebody to protect the honor of the community. Moving out of college and moving on to work life...put these issues on the back burner in my mind. Not that these issues died a sudden death...I just found myself disconnected from these topics of discussions...work life brought with it new issues to think about.

My work took me to many towns ...big and small...in India...I could not help wonder how these towns have lost their character...with the advent of urbanization....it surprised me to see a UCB(United Colors of Benetton) in Ranchi...to see a signboard that said...opening shortly...SUBWAY....to hear that Indore (one can circumambulate the whole town in ten minutes) boasts of not 1 but 3 Coffee Day outlets. I had heard of the expression 'Any Town USA'...I was beginning to think the same about India...Any town I visited looked the same...the same shops, the same brands flashing as neon lights...I was (only) beginning to think that these billboards that symbolized the advent of MNCs were stretching the boundaries of what we call modern India...urban India - when I was reminded that what I saw was just a facade...beneath which ground reality had not changed much.

On one such trip to Lucknow I was talking to children...7 year olds...to find out whether they liked a new packaging for a kiddy product. I asked them to draw what they remembered of the packaging and once they had finished drawing....they could write their name against it...As soon as I finished what I had to say...one of the girls asked me...didi....naam likh diya....caste bhi likhna hai (I have written my name...do I need to write my caste too)...I chocked when I heard that...partly sad to see an innocent 7 year old ask me that question....partly angry at an educational / social system that perpetuates this evil!

Categories: Wandering Around_ , Reflections_

Urban Disconnect

In the last two months…time has (quite literally) flown! I have spent more time on board an aircraft than I have ever done…with the result that I can now accurately predict what meal option is going to be served on which airline at what time of the day and which row of passengers would be fortunate (or otherwise) to be served their meal first. I have perfected the art of slipping into deep slumber as soon as I have boarded…interspersed by waking up to cold face towels…sickeningly syrupy lemon juice served in the name of a 'refreshing beverage'…and of course to the meals! Have become adept at handling a newspaper as I carefully read and fold…not to disturb the two fat droopy men sitting on either side of me.

My seat preferences have gotten more and more specific with each time I have tele-checked in-to a flight and sometimes when I have found myself sitting by a window and not too drowsy myself…I have watched with the excitement of a child…the aircraft taking off the ground…with cars and houses that once looked so large and promising getting reduced to a nothing but a geometrical pattern of squares and circles. Fields seem like patches of green and yellow…mountains take the shape of little peaks and troughs with rivulets that run through the landscape like a child running with arms outstretched. Large fluffy cotton candy like clouds suspended by nothing…and a tranquil stillness fills the air. Life as seen from the window of an aircraft...is so distant from the squabbles and travails of an unrban existence. As i experience this i cannot help but be remined of W H Davies' ....Leisure

What is this life if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare?
No time to stand beneath the boughsAnd stare as long as sheep or cows

Food for thought....

An excerpt from a mail that i recently received from a colleague in response to my description of what my life has been in the last few months

Life on my planet is quite dull ! Little happening. You seem to be having much more fun. I am into quite routine stuff....though this is allowing me to maintain a healthy frequency for exercising, bowling, movies, etc.

A poor life if, full of care...we have no time to stand and stare!

Categories: Reflections_ , Wandering Around_

The Smell of Life - An Olfactory Ode!

The smell of Life – A background!

Some days back I attended an ideation workshop that involved engaging in little creative games. For one of these exercises we were given a list of random words, we were asked to combine any two and write up a pen-profile based on the combination. The words that I drew from the lot were ‘actor’ and ‘smell’.

As I started thinking about how I could associate these two words – a thought crossed my mind – we often classify things (and in this case would have done the same with ‘smell’) as being either ‘good’ or ‘bad’ - often ignoring the whole space that lies in-between these two binary opposites. That’s the way we are designed to think! We 'understand anything by first understanding the opposite of what it is' - so we know dirt because its not clean and we know darkness because it is the absence of light. (It is not possible to measure darkness / study it in physics - but it is possible to study light - refraction theory)

When I was trying to combine the two words - smell and actor - I found myself falling into the same trap. - Either combining actor and smell in a positive way - which was the obvious choice – going into the terrain of endorsements for perfumes etc - or combining the two in a negative way - an actor who smells bad - the typical struggler - but both sounded too clichéd. That thought led to a search for middle ground. And I thought about an actor - grounded in reality - a theatre performer - very makrand deshpande - very swades like – honest…hardworking…a little cynical…a little idealistic. If one would imagine a character like that and associate ‘smell’ with him – that would be the 'the smell of life'

Though it could be argued that smell per se has a negative connotation – the flip of which – would be fragrance, aroma etc… the smells that we experience in life many a time occupy a middle ground largely due to the emotions that surround a situation. Since we do not feel a sensation in isolation. We connect with past associations that we have formed of that situation as individuals or as a culture.

So when one walks down a field…the smells that hit us are not always pleasant…the smell of dung…and sometimes fertilizer…yet a field conjures up images of nature…purity…freshness…mother earth…leaving an overall feel good factor.

The stimuli that occupy the spaces in-between are interesting - since they are impactfull in a subtle way. ‘The Smell of Life – An Olfactory Ode’ will conjure up smells in your mind that you have definitely experienced – though by their very nature none of these you will actually be able to classify as ‘good or bad’!

Go ahead…give it a try!

The smell of the earth after the first shower of rain
The smell of a long lost friend…the smell of pain!

The first whiff of the salty sea breeze
The smells that envelope you as you walk down a field

The smell of a freshly painted room
The smell of the morning coffee brew

The smell of a mother’s caress
The smell of newly weds being blessed

The smell of a lover that lingers on, long after he is gone
The smell of a new dawn…the smell of morn!

The smell of sweat, the smell of toil
The smell of freshly washed clothes on the line

The smell of clear spring water…the smell of snow
The smell of a bee gathering nectar…the scent of a mow!

The smell of a dusty day…the smell of a silent night
The smell of a new born …the smell of life!

Categories: Poems_

A new thought is born!

Each time my neurons connect and make a synapse...a new thought is born!
Each day...many a times i grow richer.
My thoughts sustain me.
The more I think the more meaning I find in life!

Will pour my thoughts on this space in the days to come... watch this site.